Things to Be Grateful For

It says in my profile, “newly thin”, and I keep saying I’m going to say something about that, and I don’t. Twenty-five years ago I was morbidly obese – morbid means you’re gonna die, and obese means fat. I know for sure I weighed 285 pounds, and I didn’t like seeing that on the scale. So I stopped getting ON the scale. (Sigh.) I didn’t stop eating the way I did to get that way, but I only count from 285 because I’m sure of that number.

I’m diabetic too (no surprise, eh?) and I got heart disease as a complication of that. Five years ago, I was on the waiting list for bypass surgery. Then the surgeon said that with my history of post-surgical infection, he wouldn’t DO surgery on me. He failed to mention that there were other options – I thought they only did a bypass if they couldn’t do anything else. I went home that day thinking all I had left to do was die. It was VERY bad coronary artery disease. They found an interventionist cardiologist, who performed a miracle on my behalf. My cardiologists haven’t even felt I warranted a stress test in the past two years.

In December 2006, the month after Mum died and before I’d moved out of the marital home, stress made my diabetes terrifyingly unpredictable. I was waking up at 4 a.m. with life-threatening low blood sugars, and I wanted to lower my insulin dosages, so I wouldn’t be so at risk. I have a friend who manages his eating disorder with a very low-carb food plan. I didn’t want to do his food plan – it’s restrictive and boring and bad for you and onanonanon and I didn’t want to do it. So I’d pray, “God, should I get Bob to teach me how to do that?” And the little voice would say, “Why wouldn’t you do something that would make you better?” Took a month, cuz I really, really didn’t want to do Bob’s food plan.

But I gave up, and asked him to teach it to me. That was January 21^st last year. That was the last day I took an insulin shot. I started eating the way Bob told me on January 22^nd, and thought, “I won’t inject cuz I don’t know how much I’ll need yet. I’ll just test a lot today, and figure it out.” Well, I NEVER needed an insulin shot that day. I was also on pills for diabetes, and they were enough. I went from four shots a day on January 21^st last year, to not one ever since. And in the months since, I’ve lost the last 60 or so pounds I had to lose, and I don’t take the pills daily any more, just when I need them, and they reduced my blood pressure medication too. I got a miracle. And I weigh less than I did at 15. Hot damn!

So I eat very low carb, and it’s NOT boring, and I love my meals. Yesterday because I’d worked hard, I splurged, and bought yogourt from Liberte Dairy in Quebec. All their products are wonderful, but I’d never seen the 10% milk fat yoghourt before, and I bought two containers. One is the amount for two breakfasts. Usually, I buy whole milk yoghourt and drain it in a coffee filter in a sieve overnight to get it thick – this is wonderful. Organic raspberries were cheaper than regular yesterday, and I bought a half-pint of those too. I added vanilla and a little sweetener (I know it’s bad for me, but it’s not as bad as sugar) to the yoghourt.

This picture only has a few berries on top, so you can see the yogourt, but I’m eating them all – while I’m writing this. The pretty blue glass bowl and the yellow placemat are from IKEA, but they’re both discontinued, I think. Blue and yellow together – I love that. They’re sitting on a wooden cutting board my Dad made me one Christmas.

What a life – I woke up happy, and said thank you to God before I got out of bed, and then I get this great breakfast. I’m about to shower with sandalwood soap, and get dressed and go meet friends for the afternoon. We’ll talk about God, and drink coffee, and hug each other a lot, and prolly someone will cry. Then I’ll go out in the sun for a while. Life doesn’t get better than this~

Yesterday will have been my birthday ...

I was going to say, “Today is my birthday,” but it’s been SO full – by the time I hit “Post”, yesterday will have been my birthday.

I’ll tell you – it’s just been one opportunity after another to see the fullness of my life. A friend in Texas sent a happy birthday e-mail as soon as it was after midnight and my birthday where he is. Oystercard is now in King’s Lynn and sent me a happy birthday song by e-mail. And my friend Robby sent me a happy birthday message too – he’s in San Bernardino. He’s 12 days younger than me. We’ve known each other since June 1962. He was my very first boyfriend, when we were 8 years old. We’re 53 this month. Birthday greetings from three different time zones!

My alarm went off!!! All right, that may not sound great, but it didn’t Sunday or Monday, and I missed church, and the barbecue lunch after. Today, I got to work on time, showered, with makeup on and dressed nicely. I forgot to make or pack breakfast, but I had eggs packed for lunch, so I bought an apple on the way and had that with the eggs and coffee. There was a birthday card on my desk when I got there.

Someone from church called and took me and another friend out for lunch, which meant eating the eggs for breakfast was okay. I got started on a project that’s a little boring, but needs to be done, at work. Made good progress, and was alone most of the day. The J. Geills band, Rolling Stones, Cream and The Eagles, all played loud, helped. Talked to Dad on the phone. Got an e-mail from a friend who trusted enough to tell me and someone else what hurts a lot. My boss came in in the afternoon – she’d made me a really beautiful birthday card.

Three friends went shopping this afternoon, and bought a picnic. We had maple-smoked ham and prosciutto and roast turkey and salami and five-year old cheddar, bocconcini, salad … I’d made gingerbread for a meeting Sunday evening, with lemon icing, and took some – I don’t eat it, cuz of the diabetes, but everyone else did. Fed the end of a baguette to the mallards, Canada geese, red-winged blackbirds and swallows. Watched families with bicycles, strollers and dogs; and adult cyclists, a walking club, and members of the rowing club, single and pairs-sculling. Talked and listened and laughed. I’d known about the picnic; they brought me a present too – a sampler box of Four O'Clock Fair Trade chai teas (I already know I love the rooibos chai), and a book called Solo: Writers on Pilgrimage, edited by Katherine Govier. Then we went somewhere else and drank coffee, and I’d run out of my favourite coffee this morning, so I bought a pound to bring home.

After I got home, I messengered for a while with my son. He’s forgotten my birthday, but I didn’t feel any need to make him feel bad by reminding him. Talked to my friend on the phone. Then I looked at NASA’s Astronomy Picture of the Day – here’s the picture, and the link, because it’s way better when it’s as big as the screen, and besides, they tell you something about the Lagoon Nebula in Sagittarius. How good is that picture for a birthday present? I’ve checked out a few blogs, but it’s late, and I’m going to go to bed soon – I’ll look at the rest tomorrow.

The whole day has been one opportunity after another to see how blessed I am, and how much I’ve been given in life. When I was on the phone a little while ago, I said, “I didn’t know it was possible to have any other kind of life than the one I did. [The one where I was stuck in my own helplessness and unhappiness, and couldn’t see any hope of change.] I never imagined this happiness was possible, let alone that the change could be this fast. I’m SO happy.”

The Effects of Cookies on Man-in-the-Moon Marigolds

So many of us women in the blogosphere have been struggling with the way we feel about food, and its effects on our minds and bodies. I’ve read a couple of posts in the last two weeks – Sharecropper and Jan, for sure – whose doctors have told them things they didn’t want to hear, and then there are the comments threads. Food and my weight and resulting health issues have been part of my struggle for the last 40 years.

I’ve been thinking about posting about it for some time. God comes into it. And I’m getting very close to writing that post. In the meantime, I leave you with some expert commentary. I have to say, the first time I heard this was over 20 years ago, and the phrase, “with nooooo- body watching …” rang in me like a gong. That had so often been my pattern – eat for comfort as soon as I was alone and nobody was watching.

Turn the sound up loud!