I’d lived too much of my life waiting for other people or events to make my decisions, and letting them. Being afraid. I’ve prayed a lot for God to remove my fear, because it gets in the way of God and Life. Starting to do this was a way to act deliberately out of faith instead, a commitment to writing, and a deepening of the relationships I’d started to develop with some of you. Thank you, Jonathan, for helping me move forward.
Yesterday, I wrote to Grandmère Mimi, about her new photo. She said she was tired of Jane Austen, and getting used to having her picture on the internet. I said, I’d be shy about having mine up.
Well, shyness is fear. My Dad’s very ill, terminally ill. There’s been a lot of family loss in the last 16 months or so – I’m not afraid about Dad, but I’m tired, sad and lonely. One of the things that frightens me is that I’ll go back to a way of living that was killing me. I can’t do anything for Dad except pray, show up, and love him. I CAN take some action to ward off fear. This is it.
I’m vain enough to post my best picture, for my first picture. I had gone to a concert with David P. (we’ve been friends since we were 11 years old) and his mother. One day I’ll say something about that “newly thin” thing in my profile, but not tonight. I took a rare opportunity to dress up. It was very cold, and when we got indoors and I took my coat off, David said, “Do I have to have you home before midnight? Because you look like Cinderella.” This is my Cinderella picture. Thank you, Mimi, for prayers, friendship, and helping me move forward.